Hey, Mr. DJ


In the Zone, everyone had something to remind them of their past life. For most, it was something physical that they could hold onto and remember. For Arthur, it was his music. Different songs could take him back to those Wednesday nights out with his friends when he should have been studying for the next morning’s exam, the trip cross-country, or his many break-ups. Arthur and his mp3s were inseparable. Not even the undead could keep them apart.

While others gathered essentials for the evacuation, Arthur made sure that he had his iPod and a charger. He used the charger whenever he was heading out for patrol with the Corps. Slater would probably have killed him had he known, but the others in his squad kept quiet. They thought it was amusing to see him in action. They even dubbed him Mr. DJ. When he was out slaying zombies, he would hit the ghouls according to the beat of the song that he was listening to. He made sure there were no slow dances in the playlist for his date with Zack. For the most part, Arthur performed alone, but sometimes the rest of the squad would join him. There was one particular afternoon when the whole squad turned in a performance of “All Along the Watchtower” in the parking lot of Western Lights. They took out 21 Z’s in the process.

Arthur’s mp3 player brought so much joy to those long days in the zone, but it also cost Arthur his life. His squad was working their way up Route 31 on that fateful day. Arthur was into the fight, swinging his crowbar to the beat, using Zack‘s skull as his drum.

“…thud, thud, thud, another one bites the dust…”

He was working his way through a small cluster of creatures.

“…and another one gone…”

By the time the song was over,

“…and another one bites the dust.”

the creatures were defeated.

The lull in the fight allowed Arthur’s mind to wander. The next songs took him back to his past, to a world without zombies and ZEDs. He turned up the volume as “Sabotage” began, and enjoyed the trip back in time. Unfortunately for Arthur, the world did have zombies, and one was slowly approaching him from behind. The other members of his squad saw the ghoul approaching and tried to alert Arthur.

“Hey, Mr. DJ! Arthur!! Turn around!”

But it was no use; they were too far away and the volume was too high for Arthur to hear their cries. All Arthur heard was The Beastie Boys’ classic.

“…You’re Scheming On A Thing That’s A Mirage…”

They began to wave their arms to get his attention. Arthur saw them and began to imitate their hand waving. He even threw in a few dance moves of his own.

“…I’m tryin’ to tell you now, it’s Sabotage…”

When he saw them running towards him, Arthur snapped back into reality, and turned to see the ghoul right behind him. It was too late. As he turned, the creature grabbed him and sunk its teeth into Arthur’s neck.  Arthur fell to the ground.  As his squadmates arrived at Arthur’s body, they could hear The Beasties scream out “Whyyyyy?!” through Arthur’s headphones.

After taking care of the creature, the rest of the squad turned to their fallen friend. They knew that they would have to leave him behind. Before they left, they picked up his body and placed it in the passenger seat of a nearby car, plugged in his charger, handed him a pistol loaded with a single bullet and said goodbye.  As they rode out of sight, Arthur hit play on his iPod and drifted away.


5 responses to “Hey, Mr. DJ”

  1. This one got me to figure out what it is I love your writing.

    The whole Zombie writing thing is implicitly reflective of the existentialist concept of the absurd: Life is full of ridiculous problems, we struggle anyway, we die. Cool.

    Your stories always manage to find the especially absurd in the absurd. They are actually absurder. Yes, Jared, I know that’s not a word. Figure out its meaning from context.

    I’ve been trying to parody Voltaire’s Candide. You’ve been rewriting it.

    The “next songs” should be replaced with a title because your choices of All Along the Watchtower and Another One Bites the Dust are perfect. I assume that for AAtW you mean the real one by Jimi, not that Rattle and Hum crap.

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