During the first weeks of the zone I lost my mother. Then I lost my kid brother. I was beginning  to think death was only to come by way of the scourge. Was rare that anyone past naturally or accidentally. All you read about in the obituary is “Cause of death: Unknown.” Although everyone knew what had happened to all those people. As I walked the almost ghost town like streets of the Zone I think to myself. I asked myself questions. Questions that can only be answered by one of the utmost highest power, that’s right, God. I’m not a religious man. But in here you need something to believe in. There has to be more after death than…than that! I don’t want to imagine biting into the flesh of a human. A living person. Someones family, someones love.

I would ask questions like Why does he let this happen? Why watch a beautiful creature you created end up corrupt. And knowing you have the power to stop it, yet you watch it destroy the rest of the race. I would ask Is this punishment for all the wars? Or is this just another war? Biological war on the human race? It was in this state of mind i came up with the question that he couldn’t answer. No one could till you where in that spot at that time. What would you say with you one last breath? Would you scream the name of your lover? Would you scream for help? Would you simply let out a yell hoping someone would at least try to save you knowing that it would do no good? One cannot answer that question. They say we are safest here than anywhere else. I believe them to an extent. They don’t take into mind that people have lost the only thing that matter in a time like this. Loved ones. Whether it be aunts, uncles, siblings, or parents. Yes we are physically safe for the most part. But mentally we are screwed. You don’t know until you lose someone to those monsters. You have no idea how hard it is to cope with the pain. The thought you think. The plans you make. Never knowing whether to go threw with them or not.

Some say the brain is the most powerful weapon to ever be created. I was 21 Bravo (Combat Engineer) in the United States Army for 13 years before the infection broke out. I fought in WW III. I’ve seen things people only have nightmares about. I’ve seen men cut in half from an I.E.D explosion putting a Humvee door threw them. I once saw a man who lost his legs. But in fear of rejection from his family he took his own life. That is something no M-4 can do. Or an AK-47. The mind can play tricks on people. Make them see things they don’t. Injecting many emotions: fear, anger, and confusion are the majors. Severely disorienting  them. Making them think things that would never in a million years go threw a normal mind.

After all these years of seeing a majority of destructive and dangerous weapons due to my job title. I had no belief  in the saying “the mind is the most powerful weapon created.” After seeing the things people do to them self’s or even to others in a torture room. I take back what i said. The mind is a very powerful weapon if not the most.

The most disturbing thing about living in the past few years is the sights. Not of people being devoured. But the families and friends after the nasty deed is done. Hunched up in a ball crying. Rocking back and forth almost like to push out the reality of what just happend. That is the mind at work. Suicide is the mind at work. In this battle agaisnt our own bodies and minds. We lose. I lose. So to who ever finds this note. You will not find my body, so don’t look. You wont come up with any evidence, so don’t try.  These are my last words. Take all this into mind to whomever is reading this note. Absorb these words. To who ever has this in there hands. This is what i am saying with my one last breath.