Undeadstiny USA!

“We’ve got to call this place something. ‘Syracuse’ just doesn’t cut it anymore.”

“Hancock Internation-ghoul Airport?”

“No. That’s awful.”

“What about Zentral New York? Or Undeadstiny USA?”

“Yeah, that’s it! Let’s name it after a mall! I want serious suggestions.”

“OK, then what do you think of Zombiecuse or Zombiedoga County?”

“I like Unhhhnhhhhpstate New York better.”

“I get what you’re saying, but I’m all out of ideas.”

“I’ll know the right name when I hear it.  But Undeadstiny USA?  Really? There’s got to be something better.”

9 responses to “Undeadstiny USA!”

  1. The hardest critical lens in the history of the English Regents exam was something like “What the author doesn’t say is more important than what the author does say.”

    I think this is the first piece of literature I’ve ever read that would be able to support this quote.

    • Speaking of the English Regents, I was meaning to ask why do they insist on using such a useless format for testing? As far as I can tell the “critical lens” is just some vague concept someone pulled out of thin air and decided to build a test around. It only makes people learn how to write one for the sole purpose of writing one on the English Regents and then never writing one again. It really makes you wonder what drugs the stooges who run this state’s education system are on.

      • I don’t like it either, but as long as it exists, I’m going to teach my students how to beat it.

        I hope that the new administration in Albany does a better job appointing a Commissioner of Education than the previous one did. But then again, it’s easy to blame the Commissioner for following through on what people want: accountability in the schools, and there ain’t no better way to do it than a one-size-fits-all test using a writing style that nearly everyone can agree is straight-up silly.

        That said, until it changes, I must take it seriously and teach it and my students must learn it. Surviving in the face of absurdity is why I love Voltaire so much and would be at the core of most of the stories on this site, wouldn’t it?

  2. I think you all may be missing the punchline.

    Put it together:
    ‘Syracuse just doesn’t cut it anymore’ + “Ill know the right name when I hear it”
    != anything that was said in this story.

    Ironically, those would have been the two lines that I would have been most likely to edit out as being too obvious, along with “We’ve got to call this place something.” Perhaps they’re more necessary than I’d thought.

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