Let’s Do It

Squish. “Hey, Parker. Remember what you asked me about a month ago?”

Thunk. “Vannawhite, Parker’s been asking you to get naked twenty times a week for the last year. What’s so special about a month ago?”

Crack. “Shut up, Uptown. Parker. You remember?”

Klunk. “Yeah. I remember.”

Pop. “You still wanna?”

Bonk. “I guess so. Yeah.”

Smack. “Let’s do it. Right now.”

Whack. “Now?”

Thud. “Right now. I want to do it right now.”

Crunch. “Okay.”

Bash. “Hey Holey. We want to get married. Wanna marry us?”

Slam. “We’re kind of busy right now, aren’t we?”

Bang. “That’s why. I don’t want to die a virgin.”

Whoosh. “Uhhh. Ummm… I see. Okay. Vannawhite, do you take this idiot to be your husband, to feed, keep warm, and keep safe from all harm?”

Whomp. “Yeah.”

Crunch. “Parker, do you have any idea how lucky you are, and will you do the same for her?”

Bam. “Yup.”

Smack. “Okay. That should be good enough for now. Parker, you can kiss your bride as soon as we get out of this mess.”

Poke. “Holey, Parker’s not going to kiss her. And shouldn’t you say if we get out of this mess?”

Slice. “Shut up, Uptown, and keep swinging. I’ve got a honeymoon to get to.”

Splat. “Yeah, Uptown, and don’t ever talk like that to my wife again.”

“Jesus, is this ever going to be fun.”

“Yeah. Well, let’s just see how it goes. We’ve still got a long way to go before getting home.”

“Whatever.”

Squish. Squish. Moan. Squish. Squish. Moan. Squish. Moan. Moan. Wham. Bam. Splat.

Repeat.

And in the midst of death, life went on.

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